|"Recapture Reunion" Prelude||No More Fakes Index||"Straw Man"|
by Arthur Pearson
Dave said "Eeeeg" while pulling his collar. He looked over at Paul Shaffer. "You got any more of them cream pies over there Paul?"
The camera switched to the band leader, the ever smiling dude with light bulb head and pez-nez glasses on. He said, "Ah, ha, no. No."
In the spirit of 'the show must go on', Dave launched right into the introduction. "Our first guest is like a few of the people from the Raucous Chicken club incident last year to have gone on to fortune and fame. Here he is, let's give a nice round of applause to, Kal Henderson."
The Ed Sullivan theater erupted into its usual applause as a very normal looking human in a casual looking suit, pants, and sandals came out on stage, smiled, and bowed before everyone. He make kissing gestures to the audience and strode over to shake hands with Dave. They sat down.
Backstage, Cindy was hopping with excitement. Her bunny ears trained on the backstage monitor and her whiskers were a-quiver. She was dressed in a tight one piece light pink swimsuit like dress with white frills on the leg edges and arm edges. It seems that "skimpy" suddenly became the type of clothing she preferred.
Dave was now saying, "Gosh, that's quite a grip you have there, Kal. You work out or is that just another of your super powers?"
In reply, Kal laughed, then said, "No, Dave. I'm 100% normal right now. I work out. The only super power of this form is that I can do a killer impression of David Naughton, the original star of An American Werewolf In London."
"So tell me, what's this movie that's coming out all about, it's your life story? It's your life after the Raucous Chicken? It's what?"
"It covers a lot of things, Dave. The Club, Mark and Mary, me escaping, and how Inspector Gadget, aka Frank Downey, and I managed to bring them all in."
As if trying to get a point down pat, Dave lifted up a finger and said, "As I understand it, in the film, you play yourself?"
Smiling, Kal nodded and said, "Yes, many people of course had to play themselves. Although they *did* have to substitute an overlay cartoon of Inspector Gadget in many scenes... God bless him, but things tend to get broken in his presence."
The talk show host leaned back and said, "Many people have asked this, and people don't really know what it's all about. You can change shape."
Kal nodded exaggerated but patient. "Yes."
"But you don't just look like wolfman, you can also look like just a plain old ordinary wolf?"
Kal raised his eyebrows and leaned over. "I wouldn't call a wolf the size of a small pony 'ordinary', Dave."
Dave started laughing really hard at that one. "Hah hah hah! Hee hee!" He leaned back again and said, "No seriously, what exactly are your superpowers?"
"Would you like a demonstration?" Kal offered.
Dave paused a moment, just looking at Kal. "Not on *me.*"
The crowd roared in laughter. Dave said, "I understand that you are a mishmash of various werewolf myths, because that's what you thought werewolves were when you were transformed. What exactly does your ... 'body' come from?"
In response, Kal took a deep breath. "Well, it comes from many different places. In the first place, I look just like David Naughton, the werewolf in _An American Werewolf In London_. There's also the classic idea that werewolves can transmit their condition via a claw or a bite. I can do that too. But, over that, you have Werewolf The Apocalypse. It's a pretend werewolf game published before the Raucous Chicken incident. Out of curiosoity, I read some of it after seeing the movie Wolf. That's where I got the idea of various forms. From Teen Wolf, I got the idea that werewolves can transform any time they want.
"Various forms? What kind of forms are you talking about?"
Kal said, "Want me to show you?"
Dave looked to the crowd. They cheered in approval. As if saying "okay, okay," Dave and Kal stood up and went over to the large stage area. Dave said to Kal, "Now what do I have to do? Do I have to do anything special? Need a picture of a full moon or something?"
Kal put a finger to his mouth and thought a bit. "No, I but I could use Paul's help. Let me see. This'll work better out in the street. Let's go, okay Paul?"
Paul nodded, smiling. "Sure!"
As the crowd cheered and as Dave announced their departure, Kal and Paul went outside.
Cut to a clip of the outside. Paul asked, "Now what do you want me to do?"
Kal said, "Just stand right here." Kal grabbed Paul's shoulders and positioned him next to the curb. He then looked to the camera. "Okay. This is my normal human form. I have four others." He turned to Paul and gave him 3 objects. A silver cross, a t-bone steak, and a chew toy.
Holding the items up and looking at them, Paul said, "What are these things? What do I do with them?"
"You'll see." Kal says. He turned back to the camera. "Okay, this is my human form, on one end of the scale. I'll show you the other end." In the space of two seconds, a dog-sized wolf in suit and pants sat where Kal once was. It opened its eyes, growling. A fakey "glowing eye" camera trick appeared over Kal's eyes.
The camera cut to a shot of a frightened Paul. He pulled out the chew toy and nervously threw it at the wolf. The wolf sniffed the chew toy, took a bite of it, and as quickly as before, Kal was suddenly on all fours on the ground with a chew toy in his mouth.
Paul came into the picture as Kal embarrassingly got up. Paul said,"Okay, I get it. These things will distract you from eating me long enough for you to turn back, right?"
"Yeah. That's it." Kal said.
Looking at the items, Paul said, "But there's only 3 things here you said ---"
Kal interrupted. "Moving on, this is my 'near human' form, just a little fuzzier than normal. Check this out." Kal concentrated, and grew fangs, claws, a coat of fur, and a cheap glowing eye camera trick. Paul fended him off with the silver cross, and Kal turned back to normal.
"Kal! Kal!" Paul shouted.
"Not right now, Paul. I'm going to show the audience my next form, the buick-sized 'near wolf' or worg form."
Cut to Paul's face. "But Kal, I only have 3 things. You said you have four --- " Paul is cut off as he looked off camera in horror.
The shot showed Kal in his suit as a deadly looking wolf the size of a pony, growling with fangs bared and a horribly evil crease to his brow. The T-bone flew into view and Kal took it down in one gulp. He turned back to Kal.
Immediately Paul stumbled on screen as Kal got up. "Kal, Kal! I'm all out of things to distract you. I got nothing left."
Kal looked from Paul to the screen with an evil grin on his face. "Oh yes you do."
With that, Kal changed into his half and half form right next to Paul. The camera changed to a closeup of Paul in utter fear. It then showed Kal lifting up the fakey Paul dummy. Kal spun it around with Paul's voice dubbed in "Woah, woah, woah!" Kal then threw the dummy into the air. The screen showed Paul flying high up into the air. The shot ended with Paul on top of a nearby building. "Wow!" Paul said.
The screen went to Dave. He said, "While they're getting Paul down from the top of that building, let's go to commercial. We'll be right back!"
When the screen came back, Kal was sitting in the seat next to Dave in his half and half form. His head should have been a foot above Dave's, but they jacked Dave's chair up and Kal's down so they could get a better shot.
"Aaand we're back talking with Kal Henderson. Now, Kal, as I understand it, they're having a reunion party at the Raucous Chicken club as the one year anniversary of the incident. Are you planning to attend?"
"Yes, Dave." A much different voice came from Kal this time. Like James Earl Jones with a cold. Kal looked to the screen and said, "And I encourage all of the original victims foremost, and any other side victims to come."
"What's this I've heard about some of the magicians trying to get together enough magic energy to reverse the spell?"
Kal scratched behind his ears with a forepaw. "Well, I've heard those rumors, but after talking with the people down at the Magic Boutique, if there's any way of reversing the spell, it'll take a hell of a lot of magical energy from many different mages just to 'cure' one victim."
"So it *is* possible to reverse it." Dave said.
Kal shrugged. "I don't know. I don't know magic. All I know is, a lot of victims think it's possible."
Dave said, "All the more reason for everyone to come to the club."
"Now I understand that this movie you've made is also a love story between you and the girl you went to the Club with, Cindy."
"Yes. It is."
"Now I don't know about you, but I find it kinda strange that a wolf would go out with a rabbit."
Kal smiled, "We still think we're people. That reminds me, Dave. Some of the profit from the movie is going to the Help the Raucous Chicken Victims foundation and various support groups for Raucous Chicken victims."
"Well that's great." Dave said, patting Kal's paw. He looked to the camera. "We gotta do a commercial break. We'll be right back with the New Elvis and his Rock 'n' Roll Band!"
Kal and Cindy were riding in the limousine back to their hotel in silence. Each looked out the opposite window from the other. Kal's human face did its best to be expressionless, but pain from the silence was getting to him. Why did she have to be like this?
The lapine wonder next to him had a different expression. One of simmering anger. Not smoldering or boiling, mind you. She wasn't that mad. She loved Kal too much. Finally, she turned her head so that it faced forward. "I just wish you would have told me."
"It was all in *fun*, Cindy."
"It was demeaning to every victim." She finally looked him full in the face. Her ears were back in anger and her eyes were steely. "Didn't you feel the least bit embarrassed doing that skit? Going 'round on your hands and knees, eating chew toys? And that stupid camera trick! Nowadays, people won't be so sure it wasn't a trick. People will start expecting you to conjure glowing eyes at the drop of a hat!"
Kal sighed and looked down. "You're right, Cindy. Do you want me to call them and cancel airing the skit?"
Again his wife looked out the window. A few seconds passed, and she said, "Yes. Have them cut it out if it's not too late."
"All right." Kal said. He got out the cell phone and started dialing while Cindy kept looking out the window. She suddenly gasped and tapped at the window to the driver.
"Driver, driver. Stop the car." Cindy urged.
Kal was saying, "Yes, NBC? I'd like to talk to the editor at the Late Show? Thanks." Kal turned his head to Cindy and watched her get out of the car. "Ci- Cindy? Where are you going?"
"Oh, this is beautiful!" He heard her gasp as she started walking away from the car.
Kal said, "Driver, stay here. We'll be back in a bit." He climbed out after her, still holding the cell phone. "Hello, this is Kal Helgeson. I want that skit with me and Paul to be cut. I've had some time to think about it, and it's really demening to Raucous Chicken victims. All right. Thanks. Call me back." He flipped shut the phone. He walked forward and his sandals flapped on the curb. Before him stretched out an incredible scene.
The park was simply beautiful. Not too far from the Club itself, nestled here the park. Gentle hills, benches, large healthy trees, and a wildly dancing wind wearing only a skimpy dress of leaves. It seemed as if Cindy and the wind were dance partners, moving to a music as untamed as the Earth itself.
Kal smiled and pocketed the cell phone. He walked up to Cindy and joined her. A nice romantic stroll through the park.
Behind them, a teetering mongrel made its confused but determined way through a large pile of leaves.
Phaedrus? What do you think?
Copyright 1997: email@example.com . If you want to post this anywhere else, please ask the author for permission first. Thank you
|"Recapture Reunion" Prelude||No More Fakes Index||"Straw Man"|