Up: Game 1  Up: Game 1 Outline

Losing yourself...

You stare at the mirror in shock. For some reason, the girl in the mirror -with blue eyes and waist-length brown hair- seems strangely intimately familiar; in fact, as you look around, you are struck by a strange recognition, as though returning somewhere you haven't been to in a long time. But that's impossible. You're not really a girl and this is all new...right?

You stumble back into the bedroom, shaking your head but unable to shake the strange feeling. The room, the posters, the cosmetics, everything...you recognize all of it even though you shouldn't. But no matter how much you tell yourself that it's impossible, you just can't shake it.

You notice a picture on your desk, and pick it up and look. The photo shows girl-you, sitting next to a dark-haired boy about your age, with his arm around your shoulders. And you recognize him, too: Chad Wilson, your boyfriend. You drop the picture in shock. How did you know that? How do you know any of this? You stumble backwards, clutching your head. "W-what's happening to me?" you ask aloud, feeling strange as you hear the female voice coming from your mouth (which at the same time somehow sounds like it should be yours).

"Rachel! Now!" the woman from downstairs calls again, snapping you to attention.

"O-oh, right," you say quietly, and (without understanding why) you move to get ready. Almost trance-like, you discard your nightdress and get ready: white panties and bra (which you had no trouble with, but feels weird against your breasts), a white blouse with a low neckline and a knee-length light red skirt. Numbly, still only half-aware, you pull on a pair of short stockings and white feminine shoes, then grab a small purse and head downstairs.

Wait. What was that? How -why- did you just do that? You were barely thinking about it, it just came completely naturally. You look down at yourself, glance at the purse in your left hand, close your eyes and clutch your head in your free hand. What's going on? What's happening to you? You can't really be a girl, right?

You don't really have time to think as the woman (your mother) quickly pushes you onto the bus to school. Once there, you find yourself again recognizing and remembering everything. Again, as if in a daze, you head to where you're supposed to be and take your seat. You recognize everything here. You recognize the redheaded girl sitting next to you as Kary Whiton, your best and oldest friend. You recognize your boyfriend Chad a few seats away. And so on; even though you shouldn't know any of this, you recognize all of it easily.

Trying to think back, you find yourself remembering your life as a girl. You try to remember your male life, but it's fuzzy and gives you a headache, like trying to remember in detail a dream from a while ago, and it feels as pointless as any other dream. I'm really a guy, you tell yourself, but there isn't really any conviction to it.

----------------------------------------

By the time you get home, you're feeling tired and confused, and you head straight for your room where you fall to your hands and knees. "What's happening to me?" you ask yourself. "I-I'm really a guy, aren't I?" You clutch your head in confusion. "I-I can't..." You try to think, but you find that trying to remember being male is like trying to remember what you were like as an infant - you have some vague knowledge of it, but can't remember it at all. You shake your head, trying to clear your thoughts. "I-I'm really a guy, aren't I? B-but that's impossible! I-I don't..." No matter how hard you try, you can't think of any of it -only question it. But...but why would you? Did you actually use to be a male? You can't remember it. Why would you think you're a guy? You're a girl, aren't you?


Written by Giovanni

Back to the parent page

(This page has not yet been checked by the maintainers of this site.)