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Charles Atlas, Eat Your Heart Out!

You gaze at yourself in awe. How do you describe muscles that big, that firm? Colossal? Phenomenal? Your pecs are like granite boulders anchored to your chest, with deep furrows radiating from your breast bone. Your arms are like tree trunks, your legs like stone columns. Thick veins bulge beneath your grey-brown hippo hide, snaking over your muscles like overgrown earthworms. You are still the same height you were that morning but nearly twice as wide. If your skin were green and your face human once again, you would look like the Incredible Hulk come to life.

"If this is what Albert means by 'getting worse,'" you think wrily, "I wonder what 'getting better' would look like."

There is a knock at your bedroom door. "You okay in there?" comes Albert's concerned voice.

"I'm fine," you answer. "Give me a few more minutes, okay?"

"Sure," answers Albert. "Take your time."

"Enough self-indulgence for now," you think, turning reluctantly from the mirror. "I need something to wear."


Written by Funny Animal

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