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Da-na-na-nanana-NAAAAAA!

The doorjam clicks behind you like the hammer of a glock. You're home. No wolves... that's good, but you wonder if the thing really showed up, expecting assistance, only to find that you, in an uncanny display of precognition, had fled. Well, that's for no one to know... the only remaining evidence to the surreal nature of your day is dripping with chilly condensation in your tightly clenched grasp--the bottle of "Gator-Aid."

You draw the curtains in your living room, still in the wet darkness of a summer evening, and close the door to your kitchen. You blast the lights, making a regular Tahiti out of your house. The bright lights are reassuring, happy and yellow, a comfort.

Now, to business. You squish into your sofa and examine the still-chilled bottle of Gator-Aid. The logo's a kind of swooping, blocky, x-treme lettering thing set against a backdrop of yellow fading to green. There aren't, as one might think, any gators on the front.

Hmm...nutrition facts. Lots of simple carbs...taurine, ginseng... mostly typical energy drink fare. But... there! In the ingredients, right down at the bottom: "vitamin-B palmitate (for freshness)... and of course a heapin' helpin' of reptilian Cajun ATTITUDE!" How helpful.

And there! Where the "serving size" marker would be, there's just a right triangle, with it's base facing down and it's right angle in the lower right, with the markings "one once=one hour" on the left, and the markings "one bottle=one X-TREEEME day!" above the right angle!

And the message on the back! "Gator-Aid is specially formulated to do just what it says... give you some Cajun kick to help you slog through the swamps and marshes of life! With Gator-Aid, you don't grab life by the horns... you latch onto its leg and hold it underwater until it gives up and calls you daddy! Gator-Aid is designed only for the most X-TREEEME among us! Are you game for the Gator (tm)?"

And the disclaimers! "Gator-Aid shouldn't be consumed in quantities less than 1 ounce (oz) for optimum completion." "Warning: Intake of more than three (3) consecutive bottles of Gator-Aid may cause solidification."

It's quite the product, it would seem, and yet a complete mystery; the packagers seem to have been selling to people familiar with similar items. You place the now-lukewarm bottle on your coffee table and contemplate it with eagle-intensity. The liquid inside, the color of a lime lollipop, glows with the flare of your tropical-noon lights.

It's quite simple, your crazy brain tells you, it turns you into an alligator for the amount of time specified on the bottle. Bad-A!

Nonsense, of course. But nonetheless a very surreal thing to be seen in a quiet neighborhood like yours.

You figure there's four good options of action. One: turn on the TV and search for more signs of dementia (that is; new dementia). Two: call a friend and compare notes. Three: go back to the corner store selling the Aid and examine the other products, also questioning the shopkeep. Four... put this Gator-Aid to the test, locking down the house and pouring out a precisely measured one ounce of the liquid. You're not expecting company; you'll be undisturbed.

Choice time. (Dun-dunnnn....)


Written by Mr.Peaches

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