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Defy the Odds

You take another deep breath, but suddenly, the room begins to spin. You feel like Jimmy Stewart in "Vertigo." To heck with Carlotta Valdez.

You soon forget about Carlotta, however, when your hips begin to swell. Have you been on your feet too long? You rise to stand but fall to the floor, your equilibrium not as it should be. You loosen your pajama bottoms to pull out your tail but find it extends up into your shirt. Feeling constrained, you rip off your shirt and become tangled up in what remains of your pajamas. Your whole body seems to be swelling, now. You try again to stand and realize that your legs are growing shorter by the minute. This seems extraordinary, but you try to remain calm. You ask yourself your name and address, but wait: is it really going to help you now? Of course not. What you need is a real meal! You sniff the rabbit laying beside you, but while it makes a nice hors d'oeuvre, it barely makes a dent in your hunger. You see the window before you and know what to do: run at it with all your might. It breaks easily, and you are out in the wild . . . or at least your backyard, which is close enough. You sniff at the air and focus on something on the other side of the bushes. It smells delicious, but what is it? You can make out only a large mass from where you are standing. Should you attack?


Written by Joey Liverwurst

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